~How much more~

So this week, co-ed softball has officially began. We had practice on Thursday night for about 3 hours. Besides all of the other players, I'm playing w/ my best friend, Danielle, and my hubby, Gabe. I had so much fun on Thursday night. Just to hear the crack of the bat hitting the ball. Man, I have missed that sound. It is like an addiction. Yeh, sounds crazy but if you love the sport then you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. I had a rough few days so I couldn't wait to take some well needed frustrations out on the field. What better place to be aggressive and not hurt anyone? HA! It has just been somewhat of a chaotic week so Thursday was refreshing. Tommy and I rode w/ Danielle and Cam and met Gabe there. We got to meet the rest of the team which are EXCELLENT players. One guy was a minor league draft pick! I love playing w/ the best of the best.

It was a hot hot hot day though. I packed a cooler full of ice and drinks for all of us. Several of us had water bottles beside us on the field and took drinks as often as we could. I squeezed my pony tail (yay my hair is long enough to pull up)and sweat just dripped. It was nasty but for some reason I LOVE to sweat. I don't like to be hot, but I love the way I feel after a good sweat. It's like I feel relaxed and refreshed. I'm hoping that through all of this that I will lose some weight. I've tried so hard but damn this weight, it won't come off for nothing. Hopefully the team stays together for fall ball as well and if my niece can do it, she may play w/ us. That would be fun! Maybe some of my other local friends will want to play as well.

So some other news which isn't so happy is that I found out today that my uncle's dad past away last night. We knew it wouldn't be long but I thought he may hang in there a few more days. The family is really sad and especially my uncle. His name was Jim. Him and his wife had been together 60 years so obviously she is taking it the worst. Makes you really thankful for the people you do have in your life and not to take them for grant it.

There has been so many health issues in my family over the past several months. My brother in law had a heart attack and is WAY too young and healthy to have had one, my other cousin Big Jim has had some heart problems, his wife Tammy went to the ER w/ bad abdominal pains yesterday, my aunt Pat has had some recent heart surgery, and my aunt Sandra hurts so much it's hard for her to get around. Also, my sister has had some abnormal blood work come back. My family is so small that most are older and a lot of their health is going down hill. It worries me since this tiny family is the only family I have. I don't even know my dad's side of the family, not that I feel like I'm missing out on anything since I've never met them, but that makes the family members I do know that much less.

Then tonight, Tommy inhaled a little bit of Endust. I couldn't believe he did that! He was in the office playing Club Penguin and the next thing I know, he comes out saying he inhaled a little Endust. I was so scared that I had an anxiety attack, popped Tommy (which is VERY rare), fussed at him, cried, and then had Gabe call poison control. What was my kid thinking????? He is my ONLY child and he better not leave me on this earth alone! Damn, tears just thinking about it! It scared him that not only was I so upset but that I was so worried! Once I calmed down, I hugged him and said how much I love him and that I was so scared and that he can't ever do something like that again. Tommy knows the dangers of things like that so why he did that is what I'm still trying to figure out. Gabe had it sitting on the desk near the keyboard, which he had just used w/ Endust. Tommy said he thought it was just air. It made me SO mad. Goes to show, doesn't matter what age, all things such as this should be out of reach. I think my faced turned blue from fussing and not coming up for air. I know I scared Tommy but looking back, maybe that's exactly what he needed, to be so afraid that he NEVER does anything like that again.

Tommy has been something else lately. He's been real sassy and that's not something I will tolerate. He back talks for some reason. I'm not sure what is going on w/ him. Not only back talking, but not listening. He's been wearing me thin the past couple of weeks, that's for sure. When we went to the beach, he fussed about everything I wanted to do, would cry and have some sort of a temper tantrum. So, I didn't do nearly as much as I would have liked to. It was just easier to give in (which I know I should NEVER do), but it exhausts me to argue w/ him. It seems the older he gets, the more sassy he is.

Usually when we are at the beach, he wants to do lots of things, like visit the beach! He didn't even want to go on the beach hardly at all. If I'm at the beach, that's exactly where I want to be, parked w/ my toes in the sand! Then Gabe comes down a few days later and him and Tommy nit pick. They both wore my nerves. I can't say it was the best beach trip I've ever had, but there were lots of things we did that was fun.

We are about to go back but this time, it's me, Tommy, my mom and our dogs. My mom gets up around 6 am to take her dog for a walk so she turns in early every night. It won't be an exciting week because she doesn't like to do much of anything, but hopefully it will be a relaxing week. I'll miss Gabe though. I do like for him to vacate w/ me. It's funner w/ him there. As much as I'm looking forward to being back down there, I get sad too when I can't hang out w/ him everyday.

I think after tonight, Tommy should be on his best behavior. He knows I can only take so much. I take in a lot it seems lately. I've had a lot to deal with from everyone around me that it wears me out. It seems like everyone lately is on some emotional roller coaster and brings me along for the ride. I have other things on my mind that I can't deal w/ people upset w/ me for no reason or aggravating me again, for no reason.

Like my dad for example. He is ALWAYS in a bad mood and comes over all the time uninvited. I would love for people to come over every once in a while unannounced and it be a nice surprise but he does it 3-4 days a week. I'm too busy for him to come over like that and we all have to stop what we are doing to entertain him. He called the other day and left a nasty message on the answering machine about how I never answer my phone and where am I. Last I remember, I'm GROWN! I don't have to answer to anyone especially him! He doesn't pay my bills or help me in any way, but besides that, I hadn't been home but a couple of days from the beach and he's already nagging me to call him. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't that every single time he calls he wants something. It isn't just to say "hey", it's because he wants to use us to either write up a letter, look something up on the internet, etc.

So he comes over, unannounced of course, and is on a rampage about every single thing known to man. He is poison to our family. It did nothing but put me in a bad mood that day. He cusses like crazy and doesn't care that Tommy has to hear it. I cuss occasionally but not anything like my dad. He even tried to get me upset w/ my sister. That really got under my skin because even as much as Kim never has my back, I ALWAYS have hers. We are sisters and that's how I feel it should be regardless of our arguments or whatever. He could tell I wasn't happy so my hopes are that he won't come over again anytime soon.

Speaking of my sister, we have gotten along so well lately. I've just learned to separate our relationship w/ the ones she has w/ some other people whom I'd rather not speak about. It just doesn't matter to me any longer because if there's one thing I have learned, it is still to be the better person, let others deal w/ their own demons and their bad doings. It is them that has to go to sleep every night w/ those things on their conscious. I want to be supportive to my family even if that means putting up w/ the BS that they throw my way. I'll never stop being the person that I am and neither will they. I've also learned to just brush some things off my shoulder. Some PEOPLE aren't worth getting upset over. It took me a long time to realize what/who is important and what/who isn't. So anyways, me and my sister have a GREAT relationship as long as we both understand each other and just don't cross boundaries. She is who she is and if that means having people in her life that I don't agree with, so be it. She even sent me the sweetest BDAY card the other day! It wasn't something I expected from her. Maybe she is also realizing what kind of sister she has. Like I said, you have to let some people deal w/ their own wrongs.

Well, I believe I've rambled enough and I'm so sleepy, half I don't even remember. I'll post up later about the beach trip. Crossing fingers and toes it is good. If not, I have another shot at it in August w/ my best friend and all of our boys. It will be a crazy fun week and her 18 month old gets to play in the water. That will be cute. Can't wait to see his eyes when he sees the ocean.