This & That

Goodness, seems like so much can go on in such a short amount of time.
July 11th my mom, Tommy, and myself headed to the beach for a week. Right before we left, Tommy lost a top tooth. So far he has lost 4 teeth. He's growing up SO fast! The tooth fairy brought him a tech deck and a couple of dollars. He has a really special tooth fairy since the tech deck was around $25.00. Oh how spoiled he is. :)

We did so many things at the beach. We went to the aquarium, put putting at Spyglass, the mall, Tanger Outlets, Home Store, beach, ate at the Mellow Mushroom (which was our first time, cute place), the Dixie Stampede, and my fav. which was the Wild Water and Wheels.

I can't say that my beach trips have been the best this year but definitely not bad. The first beach trip I took, Gabe kept pestering me about "private time"...lol...It just got to be annoying so I asked him to stop. Of course, he didn't so it made for a stressful "family" vacation. Then this past trip, Tommy whined A LOT! I'm not sure what has gotten into him lately but this has been a hard summer for us. He is at the age where I feel somewhat comfortable sending him to camp. I believe next year, so that we both have a good summer, I will see if he's interested in going.

Not only Tommy whining, but I was really missing Gabe. I was wishing he could be down there with us. Even though he drives me crazy sometimes, I love him and was blue earlier in the week missing him really badly. Later in the week, I guess I was just overwhelmed w/ him calling complaining about work, my mom's up and down moods, Tommy's whining, and then Gabe calling saying my dad was on some kind of rant. I finally had a melt down. When Gabe called to tell me about my dad, I finally just cried. I was already somewhat stressed and my dad adds to it. He's just always so negative and is always bringing me down w/ his bad moods. Plus, Gabe said that my dad ran my sister's name in the dirt, which I was NOT ok with. Again, like I've said before, even if my sister isn't supportive of me, I still take up for her no matter what. It made me SO angry at my dad that I just wanted to call him and cuss him out. Instead of doing that, I just cried and text my sister saying that dad was in one of his moods. We text back and forth while she was at a concert and once she was able to, she called me. Again, I cried and said I had other things on my mind then his drama. She knows that I NEVER cry around her so she knew something was wrong. She even called Gabe worried about how bad dad had upset me and told Gabe that I never cry around her unless I'm really upset.

I believe it was just a multitude of different things adding up and by the point I heard about my dad being a jerk, I had just had enough at that point. It was a rough week emotionally. On the day we left, my mom was tired so she was in an ill mood. We don't have the best relationship so I tried to ignore her mood swings hoping it wouldn't set the tone for the rest of the week. I like my space as it is, so it's hard to travel (with anyone) for a week. I like to do my own thing and not have to worry about anyone else. I knew my mom was going down to do some cleaning so I figured once she began cleaning, she would get tired and ill. She even said once we got to the beach that I had been really patient w/ her being ill. I just told her that I understand we all get tired and get into our moods sometimes. It's true so I didn't want to argue or get upset w/ her since I know how it feels to be ill and tired myself. That could have been part of my problem that entire week. I just wanted to relax and felt like I couldn't since Tommy was so demanding on what he wanted to do each day.

Besides some of this, earlier in the week I was on the beach thinking about how alone I feel at times. I have put school before friendships and that has been difficult on me, besides losing some of my closest friends, or who I thought were friends. I was feeling like "true" friendships go through ups and downs but work themselves out. I try not to hold grudges, but I can't be around people that don't care for the friendship in the same way that I do or put forth any effort to call or whatever. I have many friends but very few that I consider close. One friend of mine is like my sister. She has been for years! I can honestly say that we have had our ups and downs but one thing different about our friendship than many of the other ones is that we've taken the time to understand one another. We've gotten to know one another and accept each other for who we are. Definitely realize when we are in a "mood" and give each other space, but NEVER give up on the friendship. And one thing I don't do is trash her name if I get upset over something. That's crap and shame on the people that have done that to me in the past. It's immature and stupid!

Anyways, it was a rough day but the funny thing is, about the time I was feeling like this, 2 young crusade girls walked up and sat beside me to talk. Of course it was about religion but I didn't mind. It was also about talking about being alone. How ironic was that? It made me realize that I'm never alone, I've always got God. It may sound silly to some, but this was obviously something I really needed that day. I felt worlds better after talking to them.

I've realized for years that my faith isn't as strong as I would like for it to be. It opened my eyes to becoming stronger in my faith and letting God be my rock instead of depending on people. I also realized that when I kept suffering miscarriage after miscarriage that that is when I got angry w/ God and my faith took a turn. I'm still angry, but I'm trying to let that go and come to grips that there is nothing I can do about it. I DON'T believe God has controlled my losses, it is just a part of life. The old cliche' is that "everything happens for a reason", well I don't believe that, I believe things just happen and that's how it is! I can't stand for people to tell me that everything happens for a reason. Of course we have to tell ourselves that or we would go crazy wondering why why why all the time, but things just happen, there is NO reason behind it.

So other than this, last week was the first week I've thought of my losses in a long time. I guess because I had a procedure in March and we've still been trying and nothing. Gabe got a new job in June and won't have benefits til August 1st. I've been waiting and waiting to see the Dr. so it's been bothering me that I haven't been able to go due to the whole benefit thing. He's going to put me on COBRA since my fertility benefits were so much better on his old insurance but he just now got the paper work. WTW? Seriously, I could have went to the Dr. in June if my COBRA had kicked in. I'm really irritated and upset at the whole benefit thing. Since that procedure, I haven't been able to keep my ovulation time straight. Before the procedure, I knew every single time I was ovulating and would get the smiley face, now I'm not getting anything. It's worrying me some but I'm trying not to get too stressed over it. I know that won't do a bit of good. Hopefully soon I can get back in to see my RE and discuss some issues I've been having.

I have several other things I need to see other Dr.'s for and haven't been able to. Some are personal which I won't discuss but one is my left foot. The inside has been hurting for over a week. I'm not sure what I did to it. I thought maybe I did something during softball practice but I don't recall it hurting til I was at the beach. The pain comes and goes. I'm hoping it isn't anything major and more than anything, I hope it won't affect the way I play softball. I played a game Sunday on 2nd base and was fine. I'm worried if I play catcher that the up and down may irritate it. As for now, I can play pretty much any position (except pitcher)so I should be fine to stay away from hurting it even more.

More exciting news is, we are still in the process to adopt. Nothing much going on now but will update later when I have more news. I'm excited to adopt and can't wait til they find our family a match. We still have some things we need to get fixed around the house before the official inspection and after that, the looking begins. We have had so much going on that we haven't had time to get the ball in full motion but it will happen in the next couple of months, I'm determined to make it...hehe!

Also, like I've said, softball season has begun and I couldn't be happier. After the game on Sunday, we played a little at the park near my house and then again on Tuesday. I wanted to work on my swing and got Gabe to give me some pointers since I want to knock the ball out the park. HAHA! I'm a good softball player so at least I'm confident there, however, I haven't played in so long that I'm a tad rusty. I'm hoping the team stays together and plays fall ball. That would be pretty awesome! The best part of playing is enjoying this time w/ Gabe. This is something we have needed for so long, some time to enjoy something together. We are always busy w/ work, or being a parent that we have little time to spend w/ one another. This at least gives us time to have a little "couple" time even if it is on the field. It's fun to cheer each other on and also get to know all the other players which are totally awesome. We have such a great time.

Another exciting thing coming up is Tommy wants to play fall soccer. I'm really excited for him to play. He has already played for 2 years so he should do really well. I'm really looking forward to it.

Oh and I almost forgot, Gabe has a Realtor looking at houses for us in Wilmington. My family is so supportive and is excited for whatever we chose to do. My sister has even been looking up houses for us since she knows I just don't have a lot of time. Plus, she wants to be a part of the move and I think this is something she enjoys doing. Gabe said he will probably approach his supervisor next month about working at home. He has to feel comfortable doing that before we make any dramatic decisions. I'm really excited even though I can't put too much time into that right now. We have so many other things going on that moving may take a little longer than I expect. We are wanting a 4 bedroom house, garage, fenced yard, and other options and Gabe explained this to the Realtor that we won't settle for anything less than exactly what we are looking for so if it takes longer, that's fine w/ us. I would like to adopt first and then move. We've already worked w/ a counselor here that I really like and feel comfortable with that I really don't want to start over in Wilmington. So who knows how long it will take but I'm patient and we WILL move in time but maybe not real soon. But ya just never know...We're always full of some kinda surprises hehe.

As for now, this is about all that's been going on lately. It's been one CRAZY summer so far. Never a dull moment around our house..or the beach houses...haha!

Anyways, if ya want, please follow me. I'll update as much as time allows and post up pics when I have a chance.

If you are secretly "snooping" on my blog, hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.


BTW...these are a couple of poems that reminded me of my moments of feeling "alone". I don't think I could have said it better myself.


THINGS WILL GET BETTER

by, Bruce B. Wilmer

When things aren’t going well for you
And times aren’t what they should be,
Just focus on the positive
And think about what could be.
Acknowledge what has happened--
Don’t lose sight of lessons past--
But don’t allow the negative
Distracting thoughts to last.
Take what you’ve learned and start from there;
Draw strength from your frustration;
And let this added sense of purpose
Be your new foundation.
It’s hard to follow any plan
Precisely to the letter.
Though life right now is difficult,
Things will in time get better.

JUST HANG ON

by, Bruce B. Wilmer

In all the times that seem so hard
When tears cry out inside,
You must explore new ways to live,
Reverse depression’s tide.
When all of your solutions
Stay away, remain unknown,
And you are isolated
In your heart and feel alone,
Remember that the world
Is full of others just like you
And you can reach beyond the darkness,
Change your point of view.
Everyone has moments
When their problems seem too much.
Everyone has joys that seem
Elusive, out of touch.
But when it all seems very bleak
And hope has all but gone,
Remember, time will heal your heavy thoughts
If you’ll hang on.


And more quotes that I really like-

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've every had.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Please tell about this to those people who mean something to you, to those who have touched your life in one way or another, to those who make you smile when you really need it, to those that make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down, to those who you want to let them know that you appreciate their friendship. And if you don't, don't worry, nothing bad will happen to you, you will just miss out on the opportunity to brighten someone's day with this message.

"Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think about us in return."

Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.


You ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? You know, it makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other people's lives we've been in? Were we a part of someone's life when their dreams came true? Or were we there when their dream died? Did we keep trying to get in as if we were destined to be there? Or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think. You could be a big part of someone else's life and not even know it.

Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only on in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting by. But that feeling's a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day and someone, or something, will find you and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes. Someone to help us hear the music in our world. To remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you.

If you could go back and change just one thing about your life, would you? and if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimatily break your heart? or break the heart of another? would you choose an entirely different path? or would you change just one thing? just one moment. one moment that you always wanted back..

You can find the good in anybody if you just give them a chance, benefit of the doubt.Sometimes people disappoint you, sometimes they surprise you, but you never really get to know them until you listen for what's in their heart.

There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.

Because it´s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it´s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the heartache and fear of what life has.

Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small, like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when we let down a friend. Some of us escape the pains of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because were looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change our ways. But our biggest regrets are not for the things we did but for the things we didn’t do, things we didn’t say that could have saved someone we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that’s headed their way