~A quick post~

It's been a while since I posted so I wanted to drop in and leave a quick post.

Nothing much has happened since I last posted. My week has been pretty boring to say the least. LOL. I've enjoyed not having CNA class this week, only because it was "class", but I have missed everyone there. We've kept in touch and I hope it continues that way. I get to see the class again week after next for a party then some on that following Sunday when we are taking our state exam to get our license.

So more about what I've been up to. Last weekend I went to a friend's house, Karen, for a jewelry party. After that, my husband, son, and myself went out to eat. Saturday, we all went shopping just to get out of the house, then I went to a fish fry at my friend Sheila's church, and then went on a haunted trail w/ my friend Alley, her date, and Gabe. That was lots of fun!!! Alley is so sweet and I enjoy her company. I've gotten to know her much better over the past several months. When my Great Dane, Houdini, passed away, it was Alley that went w/ me to Hobby Lobby to purchase cute things for Houdini's memory box. That's when you know you have a true friend, someone that can be with you through a difficult time and help you pick out things to remember your love for you lost pet. She is also totally aware of my aching past w/ my miscarriages and continues to walk beside me. Unfortunately, my miscarriages seem to run people off for some reason. Alley has listened to me talk about them and she just listens which means the world to someone that is hurting. She hasn't shied away from me or turned the other cheek. I'm so glad that the people that have recently entered my life are strong enough to listen to me talk about my pain without being afraid or uncomfortable. There isn't anything to be afraid of or uncomfortable about. I RARELY every bring up my losses but when I begin to talk to my friends about me and Gabe wanting another child, ultimately, the conversation of the miscarriages will come up. It's just how it is. Very rarely do I ever speak of my losses because to tell the truth, I have too many things to be grateful for these days. I have "peace".

Anyways, last weekend was a blast and we are already in the planning of another outing. I love being around Alley. She is a lot like me and is just a laid back kinda person. We are both silly and enjoy the simpler things in life. Gabe really likes her too which makes it easy on me to have a good friendship w/ her. I have a feeling that our friendship will keep growing. Something about her is so comforting to me. Maybe it is because I'm realizing these days that people that have went through hard times and overcome them are better people because of it. I tend to gravitate towards people that don't take others or anything for granted. Some people have things handed to them and don't know what it's like to walk a rocky path. Those just aren't the people that I can be around. Not because I don't want to, but more because our personalities don't mesh. I think those that have went through trials and struggles can relate to others that have been through them or are currently going through them. They have learned valuable lessons in what it truly means to be a friend, a mother, a sister, etc. They've learned that you can't treat people poorly and especially the people that are there for you. They have also learned how to be a shoulder when someone needs one, how to sit quietly when someone wants to talk, how to speak when it's the right time, and how to offer a hug to someone in need of one. The people that have had things handed to them are the coldest people in the world. It isn't their fault, they just don't care about others the same way someone that has had to overcome so many obstacles does.

I have talked to Amber A LOT about just life in general. It was really funny how we met. She was on a friend's FB page and the friend had posted up a status. Me and Amber went back and forth talking about how we agreed about the status. Since then, Amber and I have been extremely close. She is like my other pea in the pod. She is just like me in so many ways. We always talk about how crazy it is that we are sooooo much alike. We view things the same way, say things the same way, like the same kind of things, had the same kind of dog (Great Dane), hurt the same way, have had poor friendships the same way, even down to cutting our hair short around the same time after our hair was past our bra straps. It is insane how much we are alike but I also think it's pretty darn neat. I also believe that my friendship w/ Amber will continue to grow.

So last Sunday I went shopping at Concord Mills mall. It was just fun to get out of the house. It was a cold week and that always gets me in the mood for the holidays. I'm already trying to get my Christmas party planned. My son asked me the other day if we were going to have a party and I said I wasn't sure. I really enjoy doing the party mainly for him because it makes him so happy to play w/ all the kiddos that come over. It gets a little chaotic w/ all the children playing but at the end of the night when everyone goes home, you feel kinda lonely, like you want all that chaos back in your house. hehe. I've been doing some Christmas shopping and I'm hoping to get done before the Christmas rush. Being in the Christmas hustle and bustle causes me to have anxiety. I don't even like shopping on the weekends for that main reason. I have sent out invites so hopefully most will be able to come. That is a tradition around our house, to have a Christmas party every year. We have done this for many years now so I hope to keep the tradition going.

On another note, the other day I had Dr. Phil on and could hear it in the background. I'm not sure what the episode was about, all I know is that I heard him tell this girl that she is bigger than her past and that her past doesn't define her. Funny how the show was about that because I have thought a lot lately how my past doesn't define me and I'm sick of people making my past out to be the person that I am. The show struck a nerve and I put up a FB status saying something about how my past doesn't define me. I'm not sure at this point if I was pms-ing or what but it made me so ill to think of all the crap I have been through w/ friends that claim they are "good" friends but ignore you or hurt you. That isn't a good friend, that isn't a friend at all. I know what true friendship is about and it surely isn't some of the ones that I've had. I do take friendships seriously because I'm in my 30's, from what I see, a lot of people in their 30's do. Maybe it is just a thing we go through in our 30's, to analyze friendships, to try and hold on to certain friends, to re-kindle friendships, to hold people closer, or decide when to let some go. I've noticed that I'm not the only one that feels this way. I have so many people in their 30's that feel the exact same way I do. Is this a midlife crisis? I think when women hit their 30's, it is just something we go through as women. Not sure why, but it's strange. A friend of mine, Angie, and I were talking about friends and she said, "Don't you think as you get older how hard it is to find really good friends?" I was in awe because I have felt that way so many times. I know it isn't anything that I'm doing wrong. I would have said about a year ago that I'm doing something wrong, what is wrong w/ me, or why don't people like me. I have realized now that it is the way it is. I am such a loving person and for the most part, I'm pretty happy and love to joke around. I know when to laugh and when to be serious. There isn't ANYTHING I've been doing wrong. I try to maintain friendships but there is only so much I can do before the friendship becomes a full time job on my part and becomes exhausting. At that point, it is time to cut the losses and move on. I think there were moments where I begged for friendships. I have no idea why because I have never "begged" for anything. I am sure my losses contributed to this. I was willing to settle for less than I deserved hoping they would fill that void. Ultimately, I was stupid for settling because the void only got larger. These were destructive relationships and caused me even more pain. When all I did was party w/ these people just to drink my cares away but never spend any QT time w/ them other than drinking, that should have said something right there. I don't mind a good drink here and there, but I also enjoy going to the mall, a good track walk in the park, a movie, things that normal friends do. These were just "drinking" buddies and nothing more. The alcohol would blind my vision into believing when I had a good time w/ them drunk that they were good friends. Outside of drinking, I hardly ever saw them. That's when you know that they don't care for the friendship in the same way that you do. A HUGE red flag was right there by my pain fogged my judgment. I don't have anything clouding my judgment now and I know the future relationships I have will be based more on what I truly need out of a friendship and I know it will come down to finding the "right" friends that have the same goals or expectations that I do.

Anyways, so moving on. We found out this week that my niece's half brother, Chuckie, was in ICU. He has CF and is only a teenager. This kid has been through so much throughout his life. I feel so bad for him. I asked for prayers and I truly do believe prayers work. My niece's dad, Chuck, told her that they didn't expect Chuckie to make it. The family stayed through the night and the next day, things were getting a tad better. He was talking a little and even ate some yogurt. That is a great sign! I hope that he will continue to feel better and hopefully won't go back to ICU.

So on a happier note, yesterday I took my son to Logan's to get something to eat after school. I NEVER ever give my son caffeine. He just can't drink it because he acts crazy if he's had some. Anyways, so he asked for a sweet tea. I broke down and said ok. He had this small kiddie cup but even that is too much. He got tickled about something and the more I would tell him to "shhhh" the more he would laugh. It got to the point where he had a belly roll laugh. He was laughing uncontrollably and so loud. I was embarrassed but he has such a contagious laugh. I always say he has the "baby doll" giggle. You know, the one that just makes you laugh when you hear it? That's the kind he had. So I was trying to hard not to laugh back in hopes he would settle down, well in trying to hold back my own laughter, I had laughter tears streaming. I tear up so easily when I laugh but keeping it in made it even worse. I'm sure the waitress was wondering what was wrong. lol Anyways, people were looking around to see who it was that was laughing so hard. This one little boy even got up and walked around our table so he could see who had been laughing. Now that was too funny. I have to say, I had the best time w/ him yesterday. I love a good laugh and especially one that can bring tears to your eyes. We even giggled all the way home. There is nothing so sweet as when your baby cackles or smiles.

So as for my weekend, I have a busy busy weekend. We are keeping Marissa tonight. She is my husband's sister. Then tomorrow, we may go to the Renaissance festival if it is still here, then a Halloween party at my friend, Ashley's, house, and then Sunday we were invited by a friend of mine, Alicia, to a horse parade. She has a horse named "The Dance" AKA "Dancer". He is the sweetest horse in the world. Tommy got to ride him w/ out any help. Dancer is funny because he will run up to you like a puppy dog, quickly stop wanting a belly rub. I'm totally comfortable around her horse and he is GREAT w/ kids.

Next week is pretty busy. I have to really study for this test but luckily if I get a note, in which I've called my Dr. for, saying I have ADHD I can take it to the college and they will lift the time limit I have to take the tests. This is for my A&P class. I didn't realize I could do that til the other day. I do have ADHD so taking a timed test in A&P is so difficult. I am calling in a minute to see if the Dr. has written the note yet and will go pick that up. Then, Tommy is off 2 days and I'm thinking about going to the beach. I've always wanted to be at the beach for Halloween. I could take him trick or treating down there. Something different, plus, I can't stay away from the beach too long, I begin getting the beach blues. :-)

As for Gabe and I trying, I won't know anything until after Halloween. I have a feeling that it didn't take this month because I feel as though I'm pms-ing. Been in a mood the past couple of days but I'm trying to keep positive thoughts so even if it is pms, I'm not going to let it interfere w/ being happy.

I'll post more later. :-)