Once we went back they wanted a urine sample. I thought for sure I had to use the bathroom but then I couldn't seem to get my door locked or so I thought and then couldn't go. I must have been nervous someone would walk in even though I have noticed the past couple of days I seem to need to go but hardly anything so the first thing I think about is a UTI. I told the nurse I would try again before I left.
I saw a midwife today that I've never seen. I really liked her a lot. I did mention that when I saw the actual Dr. that I haven't gotten my lab results back as of yet for the Fifth Disease. She had the results and said that it was normal but I do have the antibodies which means I was exposed to it as a child and that I'm immune to it. Whew!!! That made me feel worlds better just knowing that I can't get it. :)
I talked to her about bonding w/ the baby and said that I'm having a hard time but that I really want to and she said it's my brain protecting me and that it's normal to feel this way. She believes once I begin feeling movement that around that time I'll be able to bond more and the pregnancy will feel real at that point. I kinda figured it would take feeling the baby to really feel better about things and to bond w/ my little monkey. As much as I want to, I just can't seem to right now. I've wanted this baby for so long now that it's unbearable thinking that it may take a tragic turn. Unless you have walked in my shoes, you would not be able to relate or even begin to understand how I feel and why I'm having bonding issues. And let me just set it straight so there isn't any misunderstanding, all we have wanted is another baby to love and take care of. This baby IS loved very much and we want this baby more than anything in this world. The bonding comes in because I have fear of losing something I already love so much and going through another heartbreak. It has NOTHING to do w/ not wanting the baby so I hope it isn't misinterpreted that way.
We heard the heartbeat. It is in the 150's which is perfect. The baby was a wiggle worm, all over the place when she was trying to listen to the heartbeat. It was pretty cool hearing the baby moving since I'm unable to feel anything yet. Just hearing it made me smile ear to ear. Gabe was over there glowing w/ happiness. The happiness was radiating off of both of us. I just wish I could have seen the baby today but that will come later. The baby made a thump which could have been a sudden movement or maybe even a hiccup. Just hearing the heartbeat makes the pregnancy more real even though I really need to feel the baby moving. I just know that will make me feel much better about every thing.
So after we had our visit, I saw one of the midwives that has followed me the most through my miscarriages. She hasn't seen me since I got pregnant and has been out on medical leave. She came running in the room and wrapped her arms around me and was saying how happy she was. Her voice was shaky so I knew she was about to cry. Lord knows, I was glad she didn't because I would have cried too. All happy tears of course. :)
I ended up giving them a urine sample on the way out and they said to drink more fluids since I'm dehydrated. I kinda figured I probably was since I haven't drank enough fluids the past couple of days.
We go back right before Thanksgiving for the ultrasound to see the sex of the baby. I just can't wait!!!! Tommy will go w/ us to that visit. A friend of mine asked me earlier had he been to any of the visits so far and I said no and she was wondering why. Well, it's because we never knew which way the pregnancy was going to go and Tommy has been through hell w/ my losses. I couldn't bare the thought of getting bad news and he was there for that visit and had to see me go through those emotions again. I wanted to protect him and thought it was best not to take him until we feel more confident about the pregnancy where he can go and see the baby on the ultrasound. Tommy is very excited to have a sibling and I know this will be the best visit for him to go to. Currently he talks more to the baby than I do and that's because I'm having the bonding issues but Tommy sure isn't. He can't wait to see and hold the baby. I think it's so adorable how he already loves this little baby so much. He talks about the baby to his teacher and friends at his school. I know he's going to be one proud big brother.
On another note, Tommy and I took a quick trip to Wal-Mart last night to get Halloween carving kits for our pumpkins. I had some carving kits but can't seem to find them anywhere. We had to get in and get out because I had to get home and take my injection which I was already running behind for. We were going through the store so fast so I could get home for that that they probably thought we were stealing something...haha! I don't usually go to that Wal-Mart because of all of the riff raff that goes there but we were on a tight time restraint and it was the closest to the house. We ended up carving the pumpkins and cleaning the pumpkin seeds to bake later today. I also have some cookie dough w/ some cute Halloween cookie cutters to use. Hopefully we get around to that tonight as well. I ordered Tommy some chocolate covered strawberries from Cherry Moon Farms since they were decorated for Halloween/Fall. I ordered extra for me and Gabe...LOL...I got Gabe some of those for Father's Day and they were so yummy!. This baby craves fruit and of course I crave the chocolate. hehe! We also have Tommy a Halloween gift bag w/ goodies in it and he got something from his aunt Kim today in the mail. We send each others kids something every Halloween in the mail, it's a tradition. Tommy has been non stop asking when his aunt Kim was sending his Halloween goodies. LOL. Of course I didn't say anything to Kim about it but I found it cute that he was so excited for what she does for him every year. :) It's fun for me and Kim to do things like that for the kiddos. Oh, she may come visit right before Thanksgiving. I think we should just celebrate Thanksgiving early this year if she does fly in. We are wanting to get a turkey fryer and fry a turkey this year. I've heard they are YUMMY! I'd like to try it to see how it comes out.
Anyways, pictures below of our pumpkin carving.
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